In the other case, there is a clear goal to your communication and an easy way for the other person to comply. Getting defensive with friends, your boss, your partner, and yourself often backfires. From our flagship defensive driving classroom programs to our award-winning online courses, weve already trained more than sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior How to use a word that (literally) drives some pe Editor Emily Brewster clarifies the difference. Understand that overly defensive behavior might be what is holding you back from a better version of yourself. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Adjective. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. Conflict management: Difficult conversations with difficult people. [13501400; Middle English < Middle French < Medieval Latin]. Moments like this help build faith in the resiliency of the relationship. Then, you can reapproach the subject once both sides are calm and ready to face it with a more open mind. Try to remain uncompetitive when approaching someone on the defense. a person who defends (someone or something). Accessed 18 Jan. 2023. How can I manage that split second when its just so tempting to follow my instincts and defend myself? They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. How Can I Improve Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? To be defensive is to react with an overprotective mentality so a situation that perhaps doesn't warrant it. That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. So in times of defensivenesswhen your natural self-protection instincts set insee if you can tap into our naturally coexistent desire to connect. But if the feedback is meant to help you or is neutral and objectivelike scoring in the 37th percentilerather than channeling your energy into soothing yourself, youll fare better if you channel your energy into improving yourself. Problems are never solved; rather, it just feels like you keep rehashing the same issues. . Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. Defense industry, industry which manufactures and sells weapons and military technology. Webdefensive adjective (PROTECTING) used to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. intended to resist or prevent attack or aggression, a position of readiness to oppose actual or expected attack, their unexpectedly harsh words put him on the, Post more words for defensive to Facebook, Share more words for defensive on Twitter, Great Big List of Beautiful and Useless Words, Vol. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. By focusing on your values, you can shore up your self-esteem and reduce the need to get defensive. Another way to manage defensiveness is to improve your communication skills. Do you stand with arms crossed, stand a little taller? offensive (ATTACKING) More examples. It pushes people away, makes us look immature, and sends a message that were unable to regulate our emotions. Remember the enduring connection from that first stage of love, and try to access the feelings that first made you predisposed toward generosity and understanding at the outset of your relationship. Motor vehicle collisions are the leading cause of death in the workplace. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. The word in the example sentence does not match the entry word. wary. You can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to escalating the conflict. A defensive person can be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. How do you physically and emotionally react to the situation and to other peoples reactions? Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. If youre defensive in disagreements, you can speak to a mental health professional to better understand and lessen your defensive behaviors. One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using I statements. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. All rights reserved. Of or relating to defense. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. It can also be someone that is a regular victim of emotional abuse that is constantly criticized. Using the word opinion. This type of reaction to a problem may be easy to spot. Opposite. Defensive behavior is aggressive or submissive behavior in response to what a person perceives as a threat. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. However, make sure the "I" statement isnt a you" statement in sheeps clothing, like Im sorry you didnt understand, or I wish youd just grow up!. You make situations more tense and hostile than they need to be and it feels like everything escalates into an argument or a fight. 'pa pdd chac-sb tc-bd bw hbr-20 hbss lpt-25' : 'hdn'">, defensivo, defensivo/-va [masculine-feminine], protetor-ra [masculine-feminine], savunmaya ynelik, savunma amal, savunma iin kullanlan, sur la dfensive, dfensif/-ive, en dfense, Test your vocabulary with our fun image quizzes, Clear explanations of natural written and spoken English. https://www.thefreedictionary.com/defensive. Among the black kids who were only given the constructive criticism, the slow decline of trust in school continued over time, but in the group told by teachers they could reach high standards, that declining trust stopped in its tracks. Consider and weigh all viewpoints and try to reach a resolution to the problem together. Yet withdrawal and disconnection are what continue to create trouble. Usage explanations of natural written and spoken English. Okay, you say, that's all fine and goodI can affirm my deepest values, interpret feedback as the fact that others believe in me, and trust that I can grow. This could be particularly helpful if you are experiencing defensiveness in your relationship. We are all wired to protect ourselves, and this can lead to defensive behavior. Aiming to justify or excuse oneself or one's actions. The researchers tracked white and African-American seventh graders who received critical feedback from their white teachers on a draft of an essay. Adjective. Over time, your goodwill and empathy toward others has been eroded. Research The reasons for defensiveness are myriad and important to understand, but they don't take away the need to learn how to rewire ourselves away from the impulse to immediately self-protect. Using the word opinion. (2017). People who are insecure or guilty tend to act defensive. Since you cant always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive. Choose to Align Yourself with Your Values, Anticipate When You Are Likely to Become Defensive, How to Stop Making Other People Defensive, Overcoming Defensive Behavior in the Long-Term. All rights reserved. Remembering our firmest beliefs and passions can make us feel less defensive. Linda Carroll, M.S., LMFT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. sive di-fen (t)-siv d-fen (t)- 1 : serving or intended to defend or protect a defensive alliance 2 : resisting or preventing attack defensive behavior If your parents shamed you often and punished you harshly, it's likely that, as an adult, you quickly feel self-protective whenever you see someone upset and angry about something. Of or relating to defense. Citizens are becoming defensive and distrustful of their civic leaders as they lose all trust in their ability to represent them honestly and with any sense of integrity.. Overall, you feel negative a lot of the time and have lost your ability to see the positive in anything in your life. By growing your emotional intelligence and practicing effective communication and conflict resolution techniques, you may defuse a problematic situation with another and grow the relationships strength in the end. Defensiveness is an impulsive and reactive mode of responding to a situation or conversation. Compromise is often the best course of action when settling a conflict is more important than getting what you want. WebNSC Defensive Driving Courses. Instead, focus on areas where you feel confident, whether its your commitment to living a healthy lifestyle, your religious faith, your readiness to help others, your passion for art, or any other value you hold dear. When you accommodate a defensive behavior, you probably wont have your needs met. Most often this surfaces in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent to our partner over time. (2017). Then all the participants were given just four minutes to read a long and confusing passage from Freuds classic The Interpretation of Dreams, which, with its late 1800s language and esoteric ideas, was about as easy to get through as a line at the DMV on your lunch hour. Weba. At that age, the feedback you got from teachers, coaches, and friends made a huge impact. This can be especially problematic if you feel as though you are helping the other person and cant understand why they would be defensive. 5 Ways Neuroscience Can Help You Give Better Presentations, 3 Ways to Stay Cool in the Face of Sarcasm, 5 Subtle Signs of Unprocessed Attachment Trauma, The 10 Best Predictors of a Bad Romantic Relationship, Feeling Stuck? . That is a strong argument that defensive stocks are objectively better investments than other stocks. a complex mental state involving beliefs and feelings and values and dispositions to act in certain ways, designed for defense from a surface position against air attack, designed for defense against armored vehicles, attempting to or designed to prevent an opponent from winning or scoring, intended or adapted to afford protection of some kind, for the purpose of attack rather than defense, having or showing determination and energetic pursuit of your ends, designed to inflict death or personal injury rather than material destruction, designed for or consisting of a brief attack followed by a quick escape, characterized by plundering or pillaging or marauding. Webdefensive See definition of defensive on Dictionary.com adj. Zanarini M, et al. Webused to protect someone or something against attack: These are purely defensive weapons, not designed for attack. When someone has a defensive attitude, or is forced to defend something, we also say they're "on the defensive.". Linda Carroll is a licensed marriage and family therapist and board-certified life coach currently living in Oregon. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Why? However, if they are not in line with the person you want to be or the behavior that you want to display, then there is nothing wrong with working on changing how you react. Experiencing defensiveness in your relationship and disconnection are what continue to create trouble abuse. Immature, and sends a message that were unable to regulate our emotions I.! Firmest beliefs and passions can make your feelings known without slinging accusations, which are a one-way ticket to the... Have a defensive behavior, you can shore up your self-esteem and reduce the need to get defensive on! 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